After being exposed to various environments, I’ve noticed that people handle their emotions very differently from one another. Everyone navigates day to day life, and stressful situations in their own way.
THE AVOIDER
The Avoider: Won’t talk about unless you wear them down
FRIEND OF AVOIDER:How are you?
AVOIDER: How are you? How is the family?
(DEFLECTING TO AVOID PERSONAL QUESTIONS)
THE ADDICT
The Addict: looks to numb him or herself
FRIEND OF ADDICT: When are you going to be here?
ADDICT: I am running a little late. I will be there in 20 minutes.
30 minutes later.
FRIEND OF ADDICT: Where are you I have been waiting for you for nearly an hour!
ADDICT: Leaving the house now sorry I have been rushing around.
(Reality: they fell back to sleep)
THE OVERSHARER
The Oversharer: Tells everybody about his experience
GUY AT DELI COUNTER: Hi how are ya? What can I get for you today?
OVERSHARER: Well I would have the turkey and pastrami, but I just came from the doctor and they told me that my cholesterol was so high that i have to go on a strict diet, so I’m eating very healthy I’ll just take a veggie burger The nutritionists down on Main Street told me that that was okay with my stomach condition and cholesterol.
THE LONER
The Loner: avoids help and doesn’t share what’s going on at all costs; remains isolated
Mom of Loner on Christmas: Morning sweetie, your father and I are looking forward to seeing you today it has been too long. You need to start answering your phone more anyways dinners at 6 come by earlier your siblings and cousins will be here. Oh and no excuses, we know you’re off of work tomorrow. The weather is great. And the president’s not in town. Bye, have a good day. We will see you tonight! Beep. End of message.
Loner: No response.
Blows off dinner.
THE JOKER
The Joker: Processes by avoiding her problems and not talking about them in a real way. Jokes about them then shuts down and has a breakdown.
Doctor: So how’s it been, since I last saw you? Your treatment seems to be working, your numbers look like they are coming down significantly.
Patient: Screw the numbers, I stubbed my toe yesterday and was down for the count for over 65 minutes. What the hell is going on with that doc? I haven’t even hit the big 3-0 yet. What’s going on? I was rethinking a lot of things during those 65 minutes in my kitchen.
Doctor chuckles.
Patient: Doc you have no idea, I thought I lost a nail, I rethought a lot of my life decisions, specifically why I bought my house, chose to get married, settle down, move to the suburbs and have kids. My kids think mom stands for MADE-OF-MONEY.
Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses. What I have found for myself is that no matter how alike two people are, at the end of the day each INDIVIDUAL is going to have a different journey. Separate goals in life. Unique desires and dreams. I believe that the only way for you to achieve your future aspirations, is to deal with the hurdles and burdens thrown your way in a healthy manner. I have learned the hard way that it is easier to do this in the moment. Do not suppress your emotions and be an avoider because, believe me, you cannot avoid your past, present, future, forever. You cannot avoid your emotions forever, and when you do, they will come back to haunt you in different ways. It is best to just deal with your feelings head on.
I was a stage 5 avoider, loaner, and joker when I was going through some hard times myself. It takes one to know one sister. I have learned from my past and that is why I am sharing this with all of you. Listen I know me saying this is not changing anyone’s life. All I am trying to do is make you more self aware.
Dealing with any of these emotions alone is not going to make anything easier on yourself. Excuses and isolation are not healthy habits. It is of course okay to be alone to digest and reflect your feelings on a topic, but too much time alone is not beneficial.
I always say I would rather laugh than cry but there is an extent that is normal and then one that takes it way too far. Being the joker and the loner are just forms of being avoiders. Once again everybody handles things differently. Having a healthy balance and being self aware with your emotional intelligence sets you up to reach those goals and dreams in all aspects of your life.
Insightful, honest and powerful! Thank you for sharing! Your self awareness and generosity of perspective will undoubtedly help others to grow.